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Three Months Postpartum

Baby Girl is growing fast. She weighs about 11 pounds and is almost 23 inches tall. She loves to smile and laugh. She is a really easy going baby. She is content to be held by almost everyone and even enjoys some time in her bouncy seat. Baby Girl can hold her own head up quite well and doesn’t mind a little time on her tummy now and then. She can roll over onto her back but hasn’t learned to roll the other way yet. Baby Girl doesn’t like the car seat (what baby does?) but enjoys riding around strapped onto me in a baby carrier. She is still exclusively nursing. My husband has tried to see if she will take to a pacifier but she hasn’t. I would like something to help sooth her in the car but it’s not a must. 

Now for me. I’m keeping rather busy hanging out with friends and family, running errands and taking care of the babies. My husband is amazing! He does a lot around the house and is really good with both girls. We’ve gotten better at both taking care of both girls so they have time with each of us. I’m still feeling twinges throughout the day in my lower abdomen. My scar started to get more red but now it’s a lovely shade of purple. My belly bulges out a little and kind of hangs over my scar. I wear baggy shirts so no one else notices but I do. It’s the first time in my life that I’ve had a little fatty tummy. So now I’m normal I guess. I’m trying to go on walks throughout the week. But I’m not doing any other form of exercise. I’m still scared of hurting myself more but I know that once I get over that and start doing more exercises I will get stronger. 

I still feel disappointed and betrayed that I had to get a c-section. I’m really hoping that I won’t have to have another one. I really want to have more kids but I know that I’ll always be scared that I’ll end up with surgery again. People say that a healthy baby is all that matters. But it’s not. The recovery from a c-section is way worse. I’ve heard that with some people it gets worse with each one too. 

I’m beginning to learn to trust my body all over again. It’s a slow process. But I know that someday I will get to the point where I can trust my body to get pregnant again and finally to give birth again. One day I will succeed.

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